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| Well, the sad man finally got a job. I gotta a call from
Ocharley's Tuesday. I interviewed Wednesday and was hired on the spot.
I will be working on the weekends during school because I didn't work
this summer at all. Hopefully, this dishwashing gig will be better than
the last one. Anyways, I finished my schooling Tuesday. I think I got
an A in my psychology class, which could sky rocket that college gpa to
a 3.6 gpa or better. I am very excited about this gpa because now I
have a little cushion before I take anything remotely hard at Erskine.
I mean, I can't take sociology or school and community health
again.
I was reading someone's post about their self-esteem. It made me think
for a second. Alot of people say that self-esteem is all in the
mind. In my own experience, I believe there is more to it than that.
When one focuses on his or her imperfections, he or she sees failure.
Even people with "perfect" bodies see imperfection in their bodies.
Therefore, one can not put his or her feelings about his or herself
based on his or her apearance on a particular day. One must put his or
her self-esteem in God. God made us intricately with a purpose. One is
not ugly because one does not like look like what everyone else looks
like. To look different means that one is unique.
That's my little rant. It was nice. Anyways, there's my update.......love and peace........
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| So, maybe I will update this nasty little sucker. As you probably
notice, I am very lazy. I hate reading, writing, and pretty much
everything that makes me think complexly. I would rather lay around all
day and watch sports, but after watching the same sportscenter over and
over again, I got bored. I am glad for this little break of doing
realtively nothing. I get to spend alot of time at the YMCA. Twice a
day. Run in the morning, and by morning i mean like 11 or 12, and then
lay around and rest 'til i go back again and lift. I am trying to eat
as healthy as I can. I am not on a diet, so to speak really, I am
just eating healthier because of the running. Trust me: fruits,
vegetables, and an energy bar are perfect for running long distances.
So, on my last post, I had the thought of playing legion ball. Well,
that didn't go exactly as planned (just like that job that I thought I
would have by now). I hadn't faced a pitcher in a year. Let's just say,
I was a little rusty. It's all good though. I realize now that I am not
as bad off as I thought. I really do need to get out and hit sometime
though. It has been a month or so now, since I have hit.
While here in the G'wwod, I have noticed something. The "parties" my
friends have are really qutie boring. Usually, it is quite funny to see
my drunk friends do stupid stuff. After a little while though, it gets
boring to see them do the same stuff. I can only hang out with some of
them for so long. Especially when 'ole mary jane is getting ready to be
smoked, I get out of there as fast as possible. I can't help but laugh
at how stupid some them are for smokin' that stuff. I guess, it is all
good though because It don't matter how high or drunk some of them get
that night. Everybody makes it to church on time the next morning. I
mean, What more can you ask for? (Hint: sarcasm abounds)
Anyways, this is the exciting life of the hawthorne....love and
peace.....
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| Evidently, I never post on my blog. There is a reason for my lack of posting. I don't really do too much stuff that warrants a post. I could talk about my workouts and stuff, but that is just part of my daily routine. So, I will not talk about that stuff.
I was actually looking forward the end of exam week, but now I dread it. I resgistered at piedmont tech for summer classes. Apparently, the first summer session starts on May 9, 2005. Eskine ends May 12, 2005. In other words, when I think I'm done, I am actually just beginning. It is going to be a tough month I think. I have class everyday from 8:15-3:45. On Fridays, I have lab from 8:15-3:45 by itself. God willing, I will also play legion baseball too. Working out, playing ball, and going to school. will take up my entire day everyday. No free time for the first month of summer. I don't care that much though becaue I would rather be busy than doing nothing. I also need a job too.
Intermual Softball has been fun. Sadly, this will be my first and last taste of intermual fun. If everything goes as planned, I should be playing baseball for the Erskine FLying Fleet next year. If you don't already know, I "tried" out for the team. I didn't make the team really. I don't think anyways. The coach told me that I was red-shirting this year. Then he told me to "train on my own to compete for a spot next year." I have been kinda sorta training, I guess. I talked with him gain in January, and he told me, he knew how hard I was "training." He said that he already has my name written on the fall roster for next year. I am still skeptical though. I mean, none of the three coaches know my name. I just want to play ball. I truly don't care about school. I mean, I am a P.E. major. Secondly, everything I have been taught this year I already knew. All my bible classes have been boring because I have been taught all this stuff already in high school. By no means am I bad mouthing erskine, I just have not found a subject here that interests me. The only thing that interests me, right now, is the possibility of playing sports and also wieght lifting.
Other than that life is great. Also, I will need to do some major tightening up soon. peace and love to all.............. | | |
| I have to be honest, there is no deception with You. I can fool everyone else but not You....
Do I really believe what I say? I scream at everyone of how Your sovereign over every aspect of my life. At the same time, I tell you, I am scared. What am I scared of? How can I tell you, I love you, and that i want your will to be done in my life. I blatantly to tell you that you don't have a f***ing clue what is best for me. I tell you, I know better. I mean, What I see now is better than what you promise. I want your blessings without having to endure hardships. I want it freaking handed to me on a siler platter. I know that I am selfish, arrogant, immoral, the list is endless. I do nothing right. I blasphemine your Holy Name daily by thought and deed. Tell me why you saved me. Why do you save me still. I choose to do evil. I am responsible for the evil i do. Why do you not give me over to my sins. Why do you over power my inclination to do evil? Why are you still there, when everybody else leaves? Tell me why do you love me, when I don't love you back? Do you have this great plan for my life that will glorify your name? I mean, let's look around, God what have I done to gorify your name? I can't tell you, I love you because it is a lie. If I love you, i will sacrifice everything for you. I have never given up anything for you. I have done all this mission stuff, for what? I know it doesn't glorify you because I don't do for you. I do it for myself. when have i ever done anything for you? It's not right. You can't just love me, when I don't love you. You can't give up everything give it to me, when i will not even give you time to speak. Am I so scared of Hell, Lord. It is what I deserve. Why didn't you let go? Don't you remember that I told you, hell would freeze over before I would go to erskine. And look what happened, you given me unexpressaable joy, peace contentment, etc.. the list is endless. You dragged me here kicking and screaming for a purpose. Why do I still question you? You are almighty God. You are sovereign. You aare what i am searching for. I try anything I can to fill that void. Only when I fellowship with you do I feel the fulfillment of my inner most being.
Can I say I am thankful for Your calling. I am desperate and I am needy please hear my cry......... I am sorry and I need you.. Amen.
I don't know why I wrote it, but I had to for some reason.....Enjoy it or Hate it... After all, it's "your" choice......... | | |
| Okay, I know it has been a ridiculously long time since I posted. My response to this is SHUT IT!!! I mean come on, if I had time eeryday to tell you my innermost thoughts all of you would think i am incredibly boring. This is my life in a nut shell. I wake up go to class, WORKOUT, and then go t bed. I spend about 3 or more hours a day in the wegithtroom. Since August, I have put on a little over 16 pounds of muscle. My baseball swing is looking better than it has ever been.
My life is so fast pace it's crazy. I am not used to having people want me to do stuff with them. At GCS, all my "friends" from the class of '04 never really wanted me to hang around them. I always kinda felt left out. My real friends like ed and pawan would always get me to hang out with them. This year in contrast to last year is so muh more fun.
I think I know what God's calling upon my life is. I will not say what I think it is because I don't really want to do it. The only reason I don't want to do it is because I am scared of what it will cost me. God calls us to forsake everything and to follow Him. It is simple. I know what to do I am just scared to do it. This is pretty much what happens with everything in my life, but it all comes out good in the end.
peace............ | | |
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